Early this morning to Graham’s mother to drop himself off with a collection of cardboard packing cases. Her flat is to be decorated and she wanted her stuff packed up and stowed out of the way ready for the workmen. My presence was not required so I took off, with instructions to wait for a call this afternoon.
My plan was to take breakfast and buy milk, yoghurt and chocolate in Morrison’s and I did do that. For some completely unfathomable reason though, I took a right turn at the bottom of the road and ended up in Pontardawe. No great loss. I drove to the big roundabout, turned round, and came back to Neath and my breakfast, which was good.
I picked up my provisions in pretty good order and then disaster struck.
That unfathomable reason hit me again and I bought myself a pack of cigarettes and a box of matches, walked out to the car, and took a jolly good toke of blessed tobacco smoke.
Oh, boy, but that felt good!
I am deeply ashamed of course, and have confessed my sin to Graham, who is not pleased.
So, over the next couple of days I shall be popping out into the garden for a smoke and, when the pack is empty, shall give it up again.
I find it hard to believe that one pack of ciggies is going to do me much physical harm. Indeed, having since then smoked three more of the deathly little tubes, I find to my horror that my leg is suddenly feeling much better, the swelling almost gone, and my ability to walk largely restored.
Even so, I shall revert to ex-smoker status by Monday. Even if I were inclined to continue along this foolish path I can’t bring myself to do so. Cigarettes are now just a little over £5 a pack. An expensive way to suicide and not in the least painless.
Ah well. “The game of life is hard to play.”
**it happens. Get back on the horse. I’ll bet by the end of the pack you’ll be wanting to be quit of them…
Gasp! Horrors! OMG! was my first reaction (even though I am a smoker). But I was there with ya on that first toke! (Did you hold your head up slightly and blow the smoke up into the air)???
Now you just remember, Mr. Bailey… you are NOT a smoker anymore. And I don’t want to find a hidden cigarette anywhere ’round the house, mister, when you’re done with this pack.
Don’t worry ~ we still love ya! Sins ‘n all.
I actually was really laughing out loud. No worries John. Enjoy to the fullest each and every ciggie and know you can put them down again. Now…. if I could just find the corkscrew, I’ll start in on that hidden bottle of wine…..
Hey, the leg is better, so the experiment can’t have been all bad.
Just think of Dee who couldn’t give them up John. Coincidence the leg I’d say. ;-0
After not smoking for so long it’s fortunate that you didn’t get overly giddy after the first ‘drag’.
I quit years ago, but rashly decided to bum a ‘hit’ from my youngest son, who still smokes. Durn near choked myself to death on ONE puff. All the message I needed right there, believe me. But John, what evil perversity got into you? I’m not scold,ing, but after enduring the torture of quitting myself and, treasuring you, and your writing and friendship, as I do. I hope you choke on the rest of that pack and never let your hand pick up a packet again!
I could never have just one pack, just one puff. It would be all over for me. I know this and will never have another ciggie. I am amzed when ex-smokers tempt fate.
Well you’re only human! Though it’s not the one pack of cigarettes that’ll get ya.. it’s the motivation they provide to buy the second and third packs
Good on telling Graham though. The emotional blackmail you’ll get from people who love you is as good a motivation as any to quit (though £5 a packet is up there too..)
A true guilty pleasure. Good for you, but I’m glad you’re being sensible.
You sounded very guilty.I am curious to know why you leg swelling went down and you found you could walk?Perhaps you should confess to the doctor and ask him?
I wonder if you might try the patches and see if that helps your swollen leg. I think nicotine affects the circulatory system by “tensing up” the blood vessels. See what your doctor thinks, anyway. The noxious weed does dreadful things to your lungs, though.
Good Luck in absaining!! Hugs, ~ Sil
I still long too smoke one every time I smell the fresh stuff. Sometimes I sidle up to smokers and breathe in deeply. When I open a book, old and saturated with stale smoke, I gag now. The doctor telling me that I could keep on smoking and he could chop off my leg later, or I could stop now and he could fix it now was a very convincing argument. Now, three months into this battle with bronchitis, I’m a prisoner of my old habits.
When I quit smoking — many years ago — I did it with help from a research project (into the process of quitting smoking) being run by a psychology professor. All of the graduate students assisting him had to be ex-smokers. The professor reasoned that people who had never smoked would have no credibility with the smokers who were attempting to quit.
The professor assured us that he, also, was an ex-smoker. (And it gave me a little bit of extra confidence when he said he was a former smoker of unfiltered Camels — which was my particular brand of addiction.)
He told us that if you put a gun to his head and handed him a pack of cigarettes and forced him to light a cigarette and smoke it, he would — but he would cough a lot and would probably need to drink a Coke to help stop the coughing.
And then he added “After the second cigarette you could put the gun away.”